


Saudade

by stubbornrhino



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Light Angst, Longing, M/M, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:41:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28609230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stubbornrhino/pseuds/stubbornrhino
Summary: Junmyeon found the penny he never lost.Chanyeol remembered the song he never heard.
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 7
Kudos: 31
Collections: Starry Suho Fest (R1)





	Saudade

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Prompt #S297.
> 
> To dear prompter,  
> I would like to apologize because this fic cannot be more far away from the prompt you submitted. It took me by surprise too. Even though this was not what you expected at all, I hope you will give this piece a chance.
> 
> _**Saudade: a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or has been loved and then lost; "the love that remains"**_

_Junmyeon, the angel of enlightenment, clenched his fists by his sides to hide his shaking hands, as he was escorted through the hallways by a group of armed sentinels. The destination was clear. It sat in the middle of Haven, the city of angels._

_The open amphitheatre was used for many things by the angels and the souls alike. It was the first stop for the souls after entering the pearly gates of Heaven. They were given a choice here: to stay or to leave and be born again. From there, they were directed on their chosen path._

_For angels, the place meant duty. All the important announcements were made there. Rosters were filed and displayed there. Their jobs were assigned there._

_Today though, the space was supposed to be used for a hearing. It would be the first time and Junmyeon knew, many of his brothers hoped for it to be the last too. The tips of his bright red wings quivered with trepidation. What was the point of hiding your shaking palms when your wings gave away your emotions anyway? He took a deep breath and unclenched his fists. They were close now, he could feel him. His whole being vibrated as they neared their destination. His pace increased and he ignored the glares he got from the sentinels._

_He crossed the corner, his red wings now perky and excited despite the underlying sadness and stopped abruptly. The sentinels stood still too and he ignored their unrest as he gazed upon him._

_Chanyeol. Standing tall and valiant, forehead high, his huge grey wings undaunted and spread to their fullest, the sprinkle of gold on them shimmered, stunning but powerful. If Junmyeon had a heart, it would stop working at the fierce sight. He knew what Chanyeol’s face would look like, all etched in perfection, eyes stormy, eyebrows furrowed and jawline tight. Chanyeol was angry but Junmyeon immediately noticed the slight slump in Chanyeol’s stance. It screamed resignation to him, it screamed loss....and that scared him more than the upcoming judgement, more than anything._

_He disregarded the audience, the amphitheatre full of angels and their different coloured wings as he rushed towards the grey ones. The only set of wings that mattered to him. As he reached Chanyeol, the angel of solitude and tears, turned and smiled at him. A full dimpled smile reserved just for him which Junmyeon mirrored before launching himself in Chanyeol’s open arms. Their wings, red and grey, unfurling and entangling together, creating a barrier around them as if to conceal them from the gazes that were focused on them._

_Gasps echoed through the open space, shattering the pin drop silence._

_They were past the secrecy anyways. Everyone knew what they were here for so why hide?_

_Junmyeon tightened his arms around Chanyeol’s neck and stood on his tiptoes, reaching for Chanyeol’s lips. Their lips touched and for a moment Junmyeon closed his eyes and imagined them away from here, as free beings having free wills and his eyes welled up. He should have listened to Chanyeol. They should have run away when they had the chance but he hesitated and now here they were. Getting punished for doing something as simple and harmless as falling in love._

_Love wasn’t for angels._

_“I choose you. I will always choose you. Be it in being or spirit, in nihility or cosmos, with mine or without, I will choose you.” Junmyeon spoke against Chanyeol’s lips. He wanted to etch the words on the latter’s skin, to tell him, to make him understand that no matter what he would always choose Chanyeol above everyone and everything. Even his own existence._

_His body shook with the sobs that overcame him and Chanyeol’s arms tightened around his waist, lips adamant, carving their own words onto his skin._

_“I know. I know because I will do the same. Always.”_

_The kiss wasn’t something scandalous but another round of gasps and murmurs filled the space. Angels were supposed to stick to their roles and never deviate, never question, never defy. Chanyeol and Junmyeon had done so much more. They had gone against their being, their purpose. Retribution was inevitable._

_Their eyes met and words weren’t necessary anymore. Chanyeol reached out and wiped the tears that spilled over his cheeks and Junmyeon shook his head, chuckling. He stood on his tiptoes again, his palms framing Chanyeol’s face. The grey winged angel leaned down, their lips meeting halfway, desperate to memorize the taste, the smell, the feel._

_“The judgement is upon us.” The heavy voice flitted through the amphitheatre, filling up each and every tiny space there was._

_Junmyeon flinched, his hands curled into fists on Chanyeol’s chest. Chanyeol straightened and held him close, stroking the base of his wings, trying to calm him. Both of them turned their heads towards the archangels that stood on the rostrum, face void of emotions, eyes dark._

_“The communion of archangels have decided the fate of our brothers who have sinned.”_

_Junmyeon tuned the words out and rested his head on Chanyeol’s chest, his fists on either side, clutching the fabric of the taller’s clothing. He knew what was written in the scroll. He knew the words already._

_They were to be stripped off of their wings. They would wither out of existence without their core, the wings._

_Losing wings would hurt but losing Chanyeol would be downright excruciating. Junmyeon wasn’t just losing his existence, he was losing his purpose for existing too. The thought made more tears stream down his cheeks and Chanyeol’s shirt gathered them._

_Chanyeol’s chest rumbled and Junmyeon pulled himself out of his reverie._

_“We would like to stay together in our last moments. Please grant us this.” Last moments....the phrase sounded weird to Junmyeon. Angels were supposed to be immortal, inextinguishable but not in their case. He felt his beloved wings droop down on his back in acceptance and defeat, the red, glowing tips touching the floor. He felt the larger, grey ones enveloping him, protecting him, giving him much needed warmth and familiarity._

_“We would like to know the names of those who might have aided you?” The question startled Junmyeon and before his eyes could dart towards the two figures in the corner, Chanyeol gently turned his face towards his own and nodded._

_“No one. It was just us.” Junmyeon nodded back in acquiescence, defiance springing in his eyes as he touched Chanyeol’s chin and both of them focused on their jury again. Their resolve firm to protect their own._

_“Very well then, the judgement is hereby sanctioned to be carried out at dawn. Dismissed.”_

_The whispers and shuffles filled the room. The archangels had made sure that no one would repeat the sin they had committed._

_Mercy wasn’t for angels._

_“I will find you. In this existence or next or even in non-existence, I will find you.”_

_Junmyeon smiled sadly. There was nothing for angels without their wings. There was no choice of rebirth like humans had. Angels didn’t have souls so they just stopped....being. They both knew it. But still he nodded. He played along with the fantasy of meeting Chanyeol over time and in a different life._

_Fantasies weren’t for angels either._

🔥💧

_“No...WAIT!” His screams remained unheard, the broad back still walking away._

_He ran as the grey haired man moved away from him. He pumped his legs faster and faster and the more he tried, the further away the tall figure became. The figure started to become obscure in the fog that came out of nowhere and surrounded them. His desperation deepened, shaking his bones and his palms felt clammy as his speed decreased. The cloudy white around him became a physical thing that held him back. He tried to wrench his feet off the ground but his best effort got him only a few feet of progress._

_He stood still and watched, his eyes spilling tears, till the stormy grey disappeared in the fog_.

The colossal feeling of loss crushed his chest once again as Junmyeon curled on his side and sobbed into the top of his knees. The dream left him breathless, like it always did. His dry and chapped lips parted to suck in some air, supplied his seemingly trampled lungs with some life essence.

A lost penny. That’s what the loss felt like to Junmyeon. Years passed and he still didn’t know where it was no matter how much he searched for it. It wasn’t a loss that he could blame on anyone else. He tried to remember and remember and remember and then he gave up, defeated and lost, resigned to live with the fact that he will never find that, _his_ , penny.

It took some time for the sobs to subside and he lay in the middle of his bed in a tight ball, his limbs weak, his fingers and toes icy cold and his heart still beating fast. He would have stayed like that but the harsh alarm clock screeching off his bedside table signalled that he didn’t have that luxury.

He slowly turned on his back and reached a shaking hand behind him to stop the sound that grated on his sensitive ears, against his tired being. He scoffed. The day had barely started and he was already exhausted. He gave himself a few minutes and then pushed himself off the bed and towards the bathroom.

He stood under the shower, the water sliding down his toned torso and dripped down his thighs and onto the floor. He watched with fascination as it swirled around the drain cover in a clockwork motion. He swirled his index finger in a circle and watched as the flow changed to anti-clockwork, matching his finger’s movement perfectly.

He raised both his hands on his sides and the water droplets raised off his body, one by one and leaving it dry, the floor, the showerhead and suspended mid air. He turned around in awe, looking at the small droplets and how they reflected the sunlight coming through the window and through the glass partition. There were colours, so many of them and he cradled one small drop on the tip of his finger, bringing it closer, eyes focused on how the hue of it changed as he moved it around.

It felt good. The control. After the recurring dream where he was always helpless and losing, the ability to control these powers... this anomaly...it felt good. After being lost all his life, this was the only thing that felt home. He flicked the drop off his finger and bought his hands down all in one swift motion and the previously motionless water succumbed to the laws of physics and rained on him, wetting him once again.

The corner of his lips arched upwards.

🔥💧

_He tightened his arms around the small body. It fit against him perfectly. His fingers glided down the smooth back and he tried to bank the feel of it in the back of his mind even though he was sure he would never be able to forget it. He kept his eyes closed and tried to bask in the presence of that someone who curled around him, sharing the warmth._

_His fingers retraced their path back upwards and stuttered around two bumpy angled slits, the kind of wounds that didn’t heal well and left scars, forever a reminder. His fingers wanted to explore it, like always, but before the soul-pulverizing melancholy could wither away his insides, he forced them to move away, kept on caressing._

_He focused on the body tucked into his side, the familiar warmth that surrounded him and the deep breaths on the dip on his collarbone. He opened his eyes, just a small peek, because the temptation was too much for him to resist. All he saw was red. Deep red hair. He closed his eyes again, eyelids tight and secure as he overcame the urge to tilt his head and take a look at the person who was making him happy. He decided against it._

_He sighed, content for the time being._

Chanyeol woke up with a smile on his face.

It was going to be one of the good days. His days revolved around his dreams, depended on them. They always had since he could remember them, since he could understand where the dreams ended and the reality began.

He didn’t overcome the sense of incompleteness that followed him everywhere, palpable and sometimes consuming, for as long as he could remember. It was always there, in the back of his head, the soul crushing melancholy like a physical presence looming over him, waiting to push through in the weakest of his moments. But he had learned to keep it at bay. For most of the time at least.

He had once tried to put the feeling into words. He had barely succeeded, barely made sense.

For Chanyeol, it was like having a part of a song stuck inside his head for years on end. Not knowing which song it was nullified the whole point of finding it. He had long ago given in to the exasperation that this obscure, mystifying _song_ was never going to happen for him.

He whistled a tune he had heard long ago, he didn’t remember where. It wasn’t exactly cheery but it wasn’t gloomy either and he liked that the nature of it, how it was hung in a limbo, tipping nowhere.

He worked around his barely stocked, minimally furnished kitchenette effortlessly. He still had enough time to make himself a cup of tea before leaving for work so he filled up a kettle with water and turned on the hob, walking away towards his closet, to get himself dressed. Just as he passed the threshold of the bedroom he snapped his fingers and blue flames flickered up under the kettle in the kitchen.

He didn’t turn to see if it worked. He didn’t have to, because it always did.

He was good at many things but fire was something he excelled at. For whatever freak reason, the element bowed to his will. He didn’t know how it worked and he wasn’t the kind to dwell on it either. He understood sooner rather than later that he could not only manipulate fire, he could also create it.

He wasn’t unaware of how humans shouldn’t have this authority but he didn’t care as long as it worked in his favour and no one knew about it.

It was difficult to hide your instinct when another human being was living in such close quarter with him so he was extra careful. Bless his roommate for either being out of their shared apartment for most of the time or staying in his room when he actually was present.

He was putting on his shirt when the whistling kettle broke the silence of his apartment. He walked out of the bedroom, pulling on a cream coloured sweater. He picked up the kettle and poured the water into a teapot, leaving the tea leaves to steep.

His mesmerized gaze focused on the flames and he reached out. The fire on his fingers soothing, relaxing him in a way only fire could. He turned his palm and moved his fingers in them. The feeling of victory welling up in his chest at the sight of the blue flames, blazing and turning red and hues of orange where they licked at his palm. The warmth spread through him, so different than the presence in his dream and yet so similar.

His face split into a wide smile.

🔥💧

Today, Junmyeon was running late.

He cursed himself for getting himself lost in the pleasant dream. Just thinking about those lips on him, the small chuckles in his ear, the calloused fingers on his skin made his heart all warm and cozy. He smiled as he tied his shoelaces, a little looser than everyday because he needed to run if he wanted to get on that bus.

He swiped his keys and stuffed his cellphone in his pocket, zipping the jacket up right after. With his umbrella in one hand, he ran the moment his door closed behind him and into the rain.

His shoes splashed in the puddles on the sidewalk as he watched the bus leaving the station. If he missed this one, he will have to wait for another one, which took a longer route to his workplace and that will delay him at least by 20 minutes.

“Wait!” His cry for help got buried under the thunder and he watched helplessly as the bus turned around the corner. He huffed and willed the droplets away from his shoes and they slid down, leaving his shoes and socks, dry and untouched.

💧

Chanyeol boarded the bus last minute and swiped the card at the entrance before walking towards the end of the vehicle.

Usually he didn’t use this route but today he had felt like making an exception. The music shop he worked at stayed closed on Mondays and that meant an off day for him. When he had stepped out of his apartment, instead of turning right, he had turned left. He didn’t have a particular destination in mind so he kept walking.

He didn’t regularly opt for public transport. There was no need to since all the places he needed to be were within walking distance of a few minutes from his place but on his off days he liked to relax and roam around the city. His stroll was interrupted by the sudden downpour and he ran towards the only shelter in sight, the bus stop. By the time he reached it, he was drenched and grumpy. He hated the rain and trust him to forget an umbrella the day it actually poured rivers.

For some reason, when the bus arrived, he had a sudden urge to get in, which he did. He paid for the last station, figuring that he could get down anywhere he wanted to.

He was busy shaking his hair when he saw an umbrella making its way towards the already leaving vehicle. Before he could request the driver to wait for the owner of the unusual umbrella, they were far off, the glass windows fogging up, making it impossible for him to take a proper look at the person.

He took a seat, subtly drying off the water by increasing his body temperature. His mind was occupied with the image of Victorian cream coloured lace transparent parasol he just saw.

🔥

“Are you still keeping an eye on them?”

The question broke through the pitter-patter of rain and Jongdae flinched. He tried his best not to turn and look at the angel standing beside him. He gulped even though he didn’t need to. He had been spending too much watching humans and had picked up some mannerisms.

“Before anyone else gets aware of this, please stop.”

The warning did nothing for him as he kept watch on the man who was running for the bus stop. The lace parasol bobbed up and down as the man ran faster. He was late today.

Jongdae waited with bated breath as he watched his former partner miss the bus by a few seconds. He punched the brick wall he was hiding behind in frustration.

Just like every time. It happened just like every time. They always missed each other by moments....so close and yet, too far.

“They didn’t see each other.” He whispered, hopelessness taking over him.

“Again?” The curiosity in the angel’s voice made him scoff. It made him feel like a failure.

“Yes, Minseok, again. But I am sure you were expecting that, weren’t you?” He snapped and instantly felt guilty. It wasn’t his fault and neither was it Minseok’s. The fate was just being a bitch. “I am sorry.” He sighed and turned away from the sight of the small man waiting at the bus stop, the sight hurting him. If he had a heart, it would break at the sight.

“You know I didn’t mean that.” Minseok followed him as they walked away from their hiding spot, their wings tucked behind them, their bodies dry and unaffected from the weather element.

“I know. I just...I am tired.” He stopped walking and his shoulders slumped. “They deserve to be together.”

“I understand but it’s not in our hands, Jongdae. No matter how much we want to help them, we are never to meddle in human business, especially when they are not assigned to us.”

Minseok’s words made perfect sense and that fact made him grit his teeth as he spread his wings, the tips golden bright and took a flight for the clouds, for home.

🔥💧

Junmyeon piled up the instant ramen cups, carefully. He tried his best to ignore the slurping sounds coming from behind him. His co-worker had decided to take lunch half an hour early and that meant the stacking of the new products was allotted to him.

“I’ll be done in 5 minutes, Jun. Then you can take your lunch.” Yixing’s voice came from behind him and he turned around and smiled.

“Take your time, Xing. I am not hungry right now.” He said, hoping his stomach would behave.

Zhang Yixing was an Athletics and Sports major. The boy came back from running a full course of cross country race and was starving the moment he entered to take his shift. So Junmyeon exchanged his break with the boy’s. Yixing was a good colleague. He never slacked on his duties, never came late. He even went as far as to let Junmyeon study for his tests if he needed it. So this was the least he could do in return.

Junmyeon hummed and moved towards the candies section and started stacking up Kitkats neatly in rows.

“Want to go out for a movie?” Yixing’s question paused his humming as he finished with the sea salt ones and moved to sakura flavour.

“Which ones are you thinking of?” He could do a movie. They both had off on Wednesdays and he didn’t have anything going on this week, school-wise.

“Some superhero movie—” Yixing stopped abruptly and Junmyeon turned to take a look, concerned that the boy might have choked on his food. Yixing coughed and slapped the table a couple of times and Junmyeon rushed towards him and offered him water as he thumped the athlete’s back.

“You really should stop inhaling your food. You have teeth, use them.” Junmyeon’s words fell on deaf ears as the boy dipped one half of an egg sandwich in his ramen broth and ate it in one bite. The other could do nothing but shake his head and he returned to his chocolates.

“We can watch the evening show and go for a dinner later.” Junmyeon considered it. He had an early class on the next day but he wanted to do something fun too.

“I won’t stay for long. I am out after dinner.” Yixing nodded his head immediately, considering it was rare in itself that Junmyeon agreed in the first place.

“My roommate might join us. So, heads up. I think you’ll get along perfectly.” Junmyeon hummed in acknowledgement, not really looking forward to meeting a stranger. “It’s about time you meet Chanyeol.”

The name made him lurch and he knocked off his water bottle off the counter. The stream of water fell in a slow motion as if asking for his permission, as if it would defy the gravity for him. He blinked and the white floor was wet, the water sparkling where the sunlight was hitting it at an angle. He scrambled to wipe it off, his trembling fingers slow. Yixing tutted at him and leaned down to help him.

He didn’t understand why his heart had just tried to struggle against his ribs and he rubbed his hand over his chest.

That afternoon, Junmyeon bid Yixing goodbye as he left for his classes. He hated afternoon classes. They were slow and made him sleepy. If his professor had been kind enough he’d have dared to take a nap but that wasn’t the case so, he hoped that the short jog to the campus would pump him up with enough adrenaline to help him stay awake through.

He rushed out of the store and missed their next customer by mere seconds.

💧

Chanyeol pushed the glass door of the convenience store and entered inside, his saxophone case in tow. It didn’t take him much to locate the person he was looking for.

The store was bustling with customers so he made his way towards the instant food section and picked himself a selection. He didn’t know when he was going to have dinner or whether he was even going to have one so he grabbed some snacks too, for munching on later. Maybe, if he gets off early he can make another trip to the store or just tell his roommate to get him some food. He will see.

He leaned his case against a wall and placed his things on the counter, snagging the empty high stool in the corner and out of the way, then proceeded to pay for the food. He stood in the line and waited for his turn. By the time he approached the billing counter, the store had emptied a fair amount, although a few haggard students could be seen scattered all around gorging on what was universally considered as a college student’s primary sustenance: instant ramen.

He placed his bowl of ramen on the counter along with his other loot and leaned on it.

“So,” He made the boy behind the counter break into a big smile, the dimples popping into existence instantly. “You’re pretty busy.”

“Of course, I am. My work isn’t as laid back as yours.” The boy said as he billed the items and started to put them in a bag.

“You take that back, Xing. You think working in the music shop is all rainbows and sunshine?” Chanyeol swiped his phone for the payment. “You have no idea how much time it takes for a person to choose an instrument. Kids nowadays are too picky.”

Chanyeol’s frown scrunched up his nose and Yixing laughed.

“Not at you calling others your age as kids.”

Chanyeol stood tall at that, purposely turned his back on his roommate, and made his way towards the microwaves built in at one corner of the store. He heard Yixing scoff.

“You’re an ass.”

He tapped his chopsticks as he let the noodles steep into the broth and soften. He counted down the seconds. Nothing was as bad as soggy noodles.

He reached the end of his countdown and peeled the plastic lid off and dug in immediately, his tongue now immune to the melting hot temperatures of instant foods.

He breathed out through his lips trying to save the roof of his mouth when a banana milk was placed in front of him, the carton open and ready to drink from. He took a gulp out of it, giving his mouth the much needed cool relief.

“Why are you alone today?” He slurped the noodles. “Where is your co-worker? Shouldn’t he be here?”

“He had classes.” Chanyeol nodded at Yixing’s response. It had been months but he had never understood their schedule. They adjusted it so often that who worked when and what was beyond him. “He is coming to the movies.”

Chanyeol nodded again. It was about time he met this boy. Yixing spoke of him so frequently that it was a surprise they haven’t met yet. From his rommates’ description the guy seemed pretty cool.

“What’s his name again?” Chanyeol’s voice came muffled as he shoved his face in the bowl and slurped some broth.

“Junmyeon.”

The name settled on his self like a heavy blanket. Every time he heard it from his roommate, it elicits waves of goosebumps on his body and made his heart stutter like crazy. He has wanted to put a face to the name that always had an intense effect on him but apparently the boy was not fond of pictures,

“Chan, I have to go.”

And Yixing left to man the counter leaving Chanyeol with heaps of thoughts.

🔥

_Haven was full of angels, as it should be. The wings, colour of them varying all over the spectrum just like the angels' nature and purpose. Some were soft, some feathery, some hard and gilded, some glittered brighter than the stars and some swallowed light like they were hungry for it._

_An angel was walking in the meadow smelling the flowers and humming to himself. His wings were the only bright red in the vast green. The red tips of them fluttered with his every sniff, the pleasure of floral smells surrounding him, making him giddy. He turned in a circle and giggled softly. The grass tickled his wings._

_“This isn’t your place.”_

_His smile was wiped off his face as he looked around to see who was speaking. The order was definite. He never meant to offend anyone. He didn’t know the meadow was out of his reach. His lips parted, an apology almost leaving them but it didn’t._

_His body reacted on its own and he sat down, his knees folded and his arms encircled them as he watched from his place, hoping he would be concealed by the tall green grass. He didn’t have much hope though; his wings had a tendency of making their presence known._

_All he saw was grey at first. But the angel turned and the grey turned into violet in some places and the gold on it shimmered. They made his eyes widen in surprise. The wings were something different. The feathers looked hard and gave the impression that they must belong to a warrior angel. Would they prick him if he touched them?_

_But the shape and size of them made it clear that it was no warrior angel. This was someone high up in the hierarchy, higher than him._

_His fascination increased as the angel talked softly to a soul. The voice husky and heavy but soothing and created a sense of peace that made him want to close his eyes and listen to it for days on end. His lips parted again as he saw the tall angel appease the troubled soul by placing a hand on its head. It was magical how the soul quieted down as it took in the angel’s words._

_He tried to strain his hearing but all he heard was soft murmurs until one sentence made his way towards his ear._

_“Let me guide you.” The angel took the hand of the soul and started to guide him towards the edge of the meadow. Just as they were about to disappear from his vision, the angel looked over his shoulder and right at his hiding place._

_The first sight of the angel’s face filled his body with warmth. It wasn’t like the sunlight he liked to soak in. No. It was like the sun was blazing in him. It was like he was the sun._

_The angel turned away and disappeared from his view and then the sun was no more and he was sitting in the meadow all alone, his wings cold and his mind confused._

🔥💧

Chanyeol pulled on a pair of jeans and hopped twice as he pulled it up and buttoned it securely. He had finished buttoning up his shirt, grabbed his jacket and stuffed his pocket with his essentials, wallet, keys and phone and stepped out of his room.

“Xing!”

He knocked on his roommate’s door. The boy was late, as always.

“We’re going to be late. Hurry!” He screamed as he tapped his foot and looked at the watch. If Yixing was going to this late they might as well just watch the movie here. He was once again to scream for his roommate when the door opened and the boy stepped out.

“Geez, can you just chill for a minute? I am ready.”

“Fucking finally.” Chanyeol muttered as he followed Yixing out of their apartment and locked the door behind him.

“Junmyeon is already there.” A current of excitement went through his body at that and his strides became longer, unbeknownst to him. His roommate on the other looked at him in amusement. “Slow down, Chan. He is still going to be there when we arrive.”

Chanyeol forced his legs to move slower, held them back. “I can’t do anything if you have short legs. I just don’t want to miss the teasers in the beginning. You know I love those and the adverts too.”

His voice sounded pretty stable to him. He hoped his roommate would let it go. It’s not like he had anything to explain when he didn’t understand it himself. He didn’t understand why someone he had never met, never seen in his life before affected him this much. Junmyeon. As the name of the boy whirled around his head, his palms heated up and he curled his fingers into fists. He cannot lose his cool out here. He can do it in the privacy of his room later.

He was taking deep breaths, focusing on coaxing the smouldering fire inside him into soft embers, something manageable, when his phone rang and provided him with a much needed distraction.

🔥

Junmyeon stood in front of the movie theatre waiting for Yixing and his roommate. It’d take him some time to think that name let alone say it out loud. He reached the cinema hall about 10 minutes ago and they still had enough time to grab themselves some snacks before their movie started. He contemplated if he should go buy their snacks but decided against it because he wasn’t sure what they’d choose and he didn’t want to come off as presumptuous.

He tried his best to ignore the tingles in his fingertips every time he thought of meeting the other guy for the first time. He didn’t understand his body’s reaction so he locked the thoughts related to it in the back of his head. He will ponder over them when he would feel ready. He didn’t know if he will ever be ready.

Junmyeon looked at his watch and then down at the floor, rubbing the tip of his shoe on it. Back and forth, back and forth. The repetition of the movement calming him to some degree as he gave his inner self a talk to play it cool and not freak the other two out.

“Jun!”

The whipping of his head was instantaneous, reflexive. He looked around for Yixing, his heart in his throat, excitement rushing through him. He stood on his tiptoes to peek over a mob of teenagers, his eyes roving around rapidly to take a glimpse at the boy who would follow his friend.

His breath stuttered out of him as he saw Yixing waving at him walking around some people. But his eyes were looking for the stranger that was supposed to join them.

“Let’s go. I have the tickets. Did you order for us?” He was pulled by his wrist and he looked back, confused.

“B-but, Xing...” He trailed off as he watched Yixing operating the ticketing kiosk. “When is your roommate joining us?” He asked as nonchalantly as he could.

“What?”

“Your roommate.” Junmyeon repeated himself, pointedly focusing on the snack menu. It’s not like he was going to order anything new. His order at the movies was always fixed. Half caramel popcorn, half spicy cheese.

“Oh, didn’t I tell you? I thought I did.”

Junmyeon turned towards his friend now, his heartbeat quickened.

“Tell me what?”

“Chanyeol isn’t coming today. He got called at work.”

“Oh.”

The small sound of laden with disappointment was lost as he trailed behind Yixing and they made their way towards their screen. They found their seats and got situated.

“Jun, you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He smiled for his friend. “I am fine.”

He threw in a chuckle for good measure. He was relieved as the lights inside the hall dimmed, providing him a perfect atmosphere to wallow in his frustration.

💧

_He was walking in the meadow. He was the only one who knew about this. At least he liked to think like that. One thing was sure, he had never seen another angel here before and that is why he preferred to come here. He liked the silence, the serenity._

_Haven was crowded. Even though it was a peaceful city, angels were peaceful creatures after all, there were more than enough residents around. On top of that, he belonged to a higher hierarchy, making him the centre of much attention. Attention he never wanted, attention he never asked for._

_He sighed and his grey wings fluttered behind him and settled again. His wings looked hard, different shades of grey and more grey. But on the contrary they were soft. His partner has showed his surprise over the softness of it too. The tips of his wings were gilded with gold dust and reached his ankles. He walked along the path, the tips of his wings touching the green grass, and inhaled languidly, the various mellow flowery smells tickled his nose and one corner of his lips lifted up in delight._

_In his angelic existence, he hadn’t found many things that made him feel like this, content and dare he say, happy. It’s not like he had much time to enjoy small privileges like these either. Lost souls waited for no one and he as their guide._

_He liked his purpose of existence. It was an important one, it was useful, just like every other angel. Without him guiding them to the light, the souls would be in agony. It gave him a sense of value and satisfaction that he was doing something good. It was worthwhile._

_He hummed to himself as he reached the fountain, thinking of nothing in particular. It was always dry. He was sure that many someones had stopped tending to this small piece of greenery. He was glad about it. It meant he had this meadow all to himself. Alone time was a rare luxury and he savoured it whenever he could._

_He turned and his eyes landed on something out of the place. The red was a dead giveaway but also the angel wasn’t trying to hide. His eyebrows rose as he watched the fellow angel twirl in the high grass, his wings swirling the green around him in the process._

_The red was unusual, unlike any angel wings he has ever seen. A shade he couldn’t put a particular name to. All he knew and understood that he liked it, liked how the wings were consistent, very slight deeper red at the tips. They looked soft and lush, unlike his. He wanted to touch them, to confirm._

_Then he heard it. Soft giggles. They floated towards him in waves and his lips pulled up into a wide smile before he knew what was happening. He had never seen an angel laughing like this, with reckless abandon. It almost seemed like he didn’t have any care on the world and that was impossible for the angels, wasn’t it?_

_His feet felt glued on the spot as the angel twirled and laughed some more then bent down to sniff at a flower. He would remember it. He would remember the sight of the angel’s face morphing into pure bliss._

_He had seen many angels before, he walked in circles of the most elites of them but none had the beauty of this angel, the kind of beauty that had the supremacy to bring you down on your knees in reverence. Beautiful was too powerless of a word to describe the angel’s magnificence._

_He took a step towards the angel. To initiate contact, to do something before the he lost the angel, never to be seen again. Something inside him told him to make the other stay. He stood conflicted behind the fountain. It didn’t take him long to make a decision and he opened his mouth to call the angel._

_“Help me.”_

_His jaw closed audibly at the cry of help and he turned away from the angel to look at a wandering soul. He sighed._

_“This isn’t your place.”_

_He was angry for a very brief moment but then he gathered himself and walked towards the distraught soul. He reached and placed his palm on the soul, calming it in an instant._

_“You aren’t supposed to be here. How did you find me?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_He leaned down and whispered assurances to the soul. When it was calm enough, he guided it by the hand, and away from the angel he was going to talk to before._

_“Let me guide you.”_

_But before going away he couldn’t help himself and he looked behind him, his eyes stopping at the empty spot where the angel was standing a few blinks ago._

_His being in turmoil, he turned away again, first and foremost, a slave to his purpose of existence._

🔥💧

Junmyeon looked at himself in the mirror, combed his fingers through his red hair and made his way out for the day, skipping happily.

He had an inkling that his hair and his ability were connected but for his sake and everyone else’s he couldn’t make sense of it and he never pondered over it either. How in the world was water anything red he would never know but it was better not to dig up something that would get him in more trouble. Everytime the thought of someone like him being out there just as lost as he was took over his mind, he shoved it back.

He was always the freak. Everyone said so. He didn’t mind the colour now but it wasn’t always like that.

He was the kid with the weird red hair. He was the kid who sat on the last bench. He was the kid who didn’t have any friends. He was the kid who was always alone. He was the kid who was bullied for having different hair and being a freak.

But he was also the kid who scored the highest in the class. He was also the kid whose example parents gave to their children. He was also the kid who got himself into one of the prestigious institutes of the nation. He was also the kid who was adored by his parents no matter how difficult it must have been to keep him safe.

It was just hair colour and people treated him like an outcast. He often wondered how they will treat him if they knew about his powers. Will they fear him? Will they shun him totally? Will they take him away and administer experiments on him? The last one always made him shudder and kept him scared enough to never reveal what he was capable of.

When he was in high school, he remembered his locker being flooded with water, destroying his test papers, assignments, books and everything else that was in it. He remembered the utter despair he felt at being treated like this for the umpteenth time. Ironically, it was the element he controlled that had been used.

That day, he had asked his parents why they had let him live? How did they not know their child was a freak? Why didn’t they just leave him to die?

His mother had hugged his sobbing self close and whispered words that made him feel loved and cared for, treasured. His father had gone out and returned back with a box. One of those powder dyes, the cheap ones, the only ones they could afford at that time.

He had dyed his hair black that night. He had woken up to the familiar red.

That was the first and last time he had tried to change something about himself for people’s sake, to belong with the other ordinary ones. That was the last time he had looked down upon himself. That was the last time he had pitied himself.

And then he had finally gotten his shit together. He would be damned if he would let this control his life. He learned to love his hair. He learned to control and embrace his powers. He was not like other kids but it was fine. This was his normal. He learned to live with it.

Despite that the feeling of loss and sorrow never left him. He learned to live with them too.

His dreams were always there. They became more frequent as he grew up. He would’ve called them nightmares but they weren’t always sad. Many a times they made him happy too, just like today. He didn’t know feeling that much love, that much joy was possible.

But it was, no matter how imaginary it might be.

🔥💧

Chanyeol often wondered how unlucky his parents were to have him as a kid. He often cursed himself. His parents deserved a better kid. His parents deserved a child who was normal just like everyone else, just like them. But somehow they had been saddled with him, a mess.

They were kind enough to love him and cherish him but whenever he looked at them he often was flooded with a sense of guilt. He never got over it. No matter how much his parents tried to tell him, no matter how many times they tried to show he never got over the sick feeling. And that added to his guilt, the helplessness piling up. He couldn’t even give that much to his parents.

His childhood had been a happy one. His high school even better so. The natural grey-lavender of his hair was the talk of the town. It made him feel special, it made him feel popular. His classmates, boys and girls alike flocked around him, gave him all the attention, tried to dye their hair like his but never succeeding. His parents were well off, he was everyone’s favourite at the school; his grades were straight As, his music was going superb. Everything was in its place, where it should be. Until.....until he lost control and almost burned himself and one another person down.

He would never know why a playful banter over the choice of music made him explode like that out of nowhere. He never understood it. Fire was his. He was always so sure of it. Never telling anyone but basking in his own precious secret. It betrayed him out of nowhere but most importantly it almost hurt another person.

His withdrawal from his social groups was his decision. So was to get homeschooled. His paranoia that he could hurt someone always dangling in his consciousness. He became more reserved, more aloof. His parents, the kind souls they were, tried to help but he pushed them away too.

Looking back, his biggest regret would be treating his parents like shit when all they wanted was to comfort him.

He remembered how heartbroken his parents were when he told them that he was leaving. The town suffocated him. It made him self-conscious. His parents supported that too in hopes that maybe someday he will return. Maybe he will or he won’t, he didn’t know.

He couldn’t become the son they wanted, an heir to take care of their empire, family who would stay by them. How could he help them when he couldn’t even help himself?

His guilt piled up.

His visions didn’t help either. The red, red plagued him wherever he went, whatever he did. But slowly, slowly he learned to deal with it. Some days were better, some not so much. Today, he just wanted to be miserable and stay in his room thinking about the person who haunted him, someone he would never find. Did he even want to find them? What would he do if he ever did?

His scoff was something physical as he mocked himself. He was going crazy, no matter how slowly, he was going crazy. It was just a matter of time before he fully lost it.

His took a deep breath and blew in the mouthpiece of the tenor saxophone, the most precious thing he owned at the moment, as if shedding away his thoughts and incompleteness. A mellow, deep and melancholic sound filled his room as his fingers manipulated the keys with ease, with expertise, playing his misery away.

🔥💧

“How is it possible?” Minseok asked and the other angel ignored him.

“Tell me. How is it possible for them to control elements? This doesn’t make sense.” Minseok tried again, hoping the other would answer.

“You better answer me, Chamuel.” The real name of the angel slipped right through his lips. The power the name held made the angel turn towards him. “I am keeping this from Jongdae when all I want to do is tell him everything. So you better tell me before he does something that messes up your plan.”

The soft pink-bright magenta wings ruffled in irritation but the angel gave in.

“I don’t know. No one knows. No angel was banished before so no one knows.”

The archangel hasn’t been much forthcoming before this. But he knew it was the most he was going to get.

Minseok sighed. It was cruel. They couldn’t be together then and they couldn’t be together now. He was sure the destructive elements weren’t a coincidence.

They were supposed to destroy each other.

🔥💧

“Is it true?” Jongdae had finally managed to corner Minseok. The latter had tried his best to avoid the confrontation he knew was coming but even he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away from Jongdae for long.

“Whatever they’re saying about,” Jongdae looks around and leans in towards Minseok. Their wings brush against each other. Shades of bright yellow and gold against icy blue and silver. “Junmyeon and Chanyeol?”

All Minseok could do was nod.

“How is it possible? How did no one know?” Jongdae paced the space turning away from Minseok. “What can we do to prevent it from happening?”

The last question put Minseok on the edge. There was already an angel assigned to this. There was nothing they could do. There was nothing they should do.

“I don’t know.” He replies.

“But Minseok, they shouldn’t be able to do that.” Jongdae walks up to him and repeats himself. “How is it possible?”

“I don’t know. Jongdae!”

Minseok recovers from the snapping faster than Jongdae does and quickly grabs both of Jongdae’s hands in his, apology clear in his gesture.

“They are doomed again, aren’t they?”

Jongdae asks, his wings drooping down, defeat finally accepted.

🔥💧

_The grey haired angel marvelled at the delicacy of the wings. His long fingers stroked the red feathers and the angel the wings belonged to shuddered beside him. They had recently found out that their wings were very sensitive._

_“I like yours better.” The shorter one whispered and it made the other’s ears redden and warm up._

_This was new for them. These feelings they couldn’t make sense of. These feelings they shouldn’t have in the first place. These feelings that would never bring them anything but pain and despair. They knew they were moving towards a catastrophe but they didn’t care, they were too far gone to care about the consequences now._

_“Come on, I want to show you something.”_

_The grey winged angel reached out and the red winged one took the offered hand without any hesitation. They ran through the long grass, laughing._

_Two others looked at their partners, breaking the sacred rules that were meant for them. Unbreakable and untarnished till now. But they decided to keep mum and wished them luck, indirectly participating in the punishable act._

🔥💧

“This is an underhanded way of doing things.”

The boy said, disgruntled, as he looked at the middle aged woman standing it in front of him. She was nothing extraordinary. Humans won’t give her a second glimpse if they passed by her. She was forgettable. She was nothing.

But he knew. The boy knew that the woman was everything. The woman was where the existence begins and where it ends. The woman was the entirety itself.

He spoke again, head tilted to the side. “This,” he tapped on the case he had carried all the way from his apartment to the store. “counts as manipulation.”

The woman shook her head and held up her hand. She was busy licking a chocobar. The boy was finding it difficult to getting used to the sight of the Creator acting like a child.

“I prefer to call it a push in the right direction,” The woman mumbled, biting at the edge of her waffle cone, and looked at him serenely. 

“I find it annoying when someone tells me how to do my job.” The boy said but his words had no bite in them and he was smiling. His dimples were quick to show up.

“My children have suffered enough.”

“I concur.” The boy gave his opinion and nodded. The woman popped the tip of the waffle cone in her mouth and her eyes sparkled in delight.

“It’s all chocolate!”

The boy rolled his eyes at the woman’s reaction and shooed her away as he saw his colleague entering the store.

🔥💧

“What is that?”

Junmyeon asked the moment he entered the store and headed to change into his uniform. He sighed as he stored his stuff in the locker in the back and hung his umbrella in the corner right beside his counter.

“That, my friend, is a sax case.”

Junmyeon rolled his eyes at Yixing’s response. Of course he knew what it was. He rephrased his question making the other laugh.

“Why do _you_ have it? Last time I checked you have no musical skills whatsoever or did you start during the vacation?”

It was possible. Their winter vacation had flown past. Junmyeon had visited home and came back. Yixing has stayed here. His parents were too busy for the holidays apparently. Junmyeon was worried to leave Yixing alone but the athlete had assured him that he wasn’t alone. His roommate was staying too. Junmyeon was itching to snoop more but he stopped himself.

“I just like to lug it around. Gets me the attention, you know?” Junmyeon shoved Yixing away as boy wiggled his eyebrows at him.

“You’re incorrigible.”

Junmyeon’s response was met with another round of silly, high-pitched laughter. He started setting up things behind the counter. He was to close the store today as his colleague was leaving for his training. Junmyeon was covering for him which earned him an off tomorrow morning.

“What did you do?” He hoped Yixing would answer about Chanyeol too.

“Nothing much. Loitered around our rooms. I trained, ate and slept.” Junmyeon opened his mouth to respond but closed it as Yixing continued. “Chanyeol, though, kept playing this.”

He watched as the boy slapped the case lightly and tried to conjure up an image of what this guy was like. The case looked big so he assumed it was someone tall, maybe taller than him, maybe stronger too since saxophones tended to be heavy.

“I would be all for it if it wasn’t for one thing. The man kept belting out saddest pieces.”

Junmyeon browsed then rechecked the items that were already put in the system. He wondered why was the reason for sadness? Then he quickly quashed those thoughts because Chanyeol was none of his business.

“He asked about you.”

That four word sentence put Junmyeon in a daze. Yixing had casually thrown it out never knowing the drastic effect it was having on him. The words hit him like a wrecking ball. His heart somersaulted inside his chest and his hands became clammy.

“Oh,” was all he could manage.

“Yeah. He asked about your major.” Well...that was disappointing.

“Ohhh,” He repeats.

“I spilled a little more than that.”

Junmyeon whipped around after hearing that. What could possibly have Yixing have told him? His horrified gaze landed on his smirking colleague.

“What did you do, Xing?!”

He walked around the counter. He wasn’t a violent person but he will give Yixing a noogie at the least. There was nothing more embarrassing than your friend betraying you in front of your crush.

Wait. Is that what Chanyeol was now? His crush? When did that happen? He knew nothing about the guy! What was this?

“Oh look. I am getting late.” Yixing backed up and was pushing the door open before Junmyeon could understand what was happening. “He will come by looking for that case. Give it to him, will you? Tell him Yixing was sorry he couldn’t bring it.”

Junmyeon was left standing with his jaw slack in shock.

He paced the small space he had. It was late. Pretty late actually and the owner of the saxophone had never showed up. Every time the bell on the door would ring, Junmyeon would look up to see if it was Chanyeol, anticipation building and building and nothing. The man was a no show.

It had kept him on the edge the whole time. By now, his nerves were frayed and he was tired. He just wanted to go home. He groaned and pulled out his phone and opened his contacts.

Before he left for his holidays, Yixing, that annoying idiot, had insisted that he should have Chanyeol’s number for “emergencies”. He supposed this counted as hell of an emergency. He hesitated before clicking on the call option. Every time he scrolled through his contact list he would always stare at the name that seemed to enthral him. He gathered his courage, took a deep breath and pressed the phone to his ear.

He was just a guy. How difficult was a conversation going to be, right?

The call was picked up on the third ring and a raspy voice trickled in through the speakers.

“Hello?”

Junmyeon’s knees shook and he sat down, leaning against the back of the counter. What was he doing? What had he done? It wasn’t that important. He could’ve locked up the case inside their locker room and it would’ve been fine. His heart thundered in his chest and the sound of blood rushing in his ears, all mixed up was too much for him. Maybe he should hang up.

“Hello?”

The voice rasped again and an image of a meadow flashed in front of his eyes. The grey, grey-gold surrounded him. It vanished the moment he blinked. What was that?

“Hello? Who’s this?”

“Junmyeon.” Very eloquent. He mentally patted himself on the back for that reply. “Yixing’s friend.”

“Junmyeon?”

He sounded more alert now. The deep voice cleared a bit, the raspiness fading but still there on the edges. His name sounded like everything he had never thought it to be. It felt valuable. His name was as ordinary as they come.

“Y-Yes.” Great. He was stuttering now. “I was told you were going to pick up your sax case. But well...you didn’t.” Thanks, Captain Obvious.

“Wait.” He heard shuffling from the other side and wondered where the boy was. Maybe he was sleeping. That would explain the dazed response at the beginning. “I thought Xing brought it home.”

That motherfucker!

“He said to tell you and I quote here, ‘Tell him Yixing was sorry he couldn’t bring it’.”

He was being sassy. Irritation did that to him. Good to know.

He heard some low intelligible muttering and hoped that the guy was cursing Yixing too. Because fucking same, buddy.

“I am sorry. I didn’t know.” He heard a groan and thank god he was sitting. “I would come right now but it’d take me at least 30 minutes to get there. It’s already late as is.”

“I can—”

“I meant it was already late enough for you. You should’ve locked up half an hour ago, right?”

Was Chanyeol worried for him? Nah. He was just reading too much into it. Maybe the guy was too tired or lazy. But he was right, it was late.

“How about I take it home?” The idea sounded more absurd to him when he heard himself saying it out loud. He hastily explained himself before he probably freaked the guy away, “I can’t keep it here because someone else will be opening the store tomorrow. Nobody will touch it but I don’t want to take the risk. It’s too valuable to leave lying around, right? I can drop it with Yixing tomorrow first thing. I am free tomorrow.”

“Junmyeon.”

His babbling was interrupted by Chanyeol. He mentally kicked his ass all over the place for talking about him being free. He wasn’t trying to score anything here, genuinely. He just didn’t want to come off as a creep. Because he was not!

“Can you drop it with me instead of Yixing?”

The question left him breathless when all he wanted to do was scream.

“I would like to treat you for helping me out.”

He couldn’t believe this was happening. He forced himself to speak.

“Okay.” Monosyllables was it. Okay then.

“You’ve seen ‘Sticks and Strings’?”

Junmyeon nodded. He had been there. The mall wasn’t far from where he lived. 15 minutes in the busy traffic. He could do it. Then he remembered nodding won’t do and he had to vocalise it too. That’s how phones worked.

“Yes.”

“Nine-Thirty sounds good?” A rich chuckle bombarded through and warmed him from inside out. “I am sorry I have an early shift tomorrow.”

“That’s fine. I’ll be there.” He hoped he didn’t sound too eager. He hoped he was cool. He wasn’t cool at all usually.

“I’ll see you then.”

Junmyeon nodded and was about to hang up when he was stopped by Chanyeol and he connected his phone to his ear a little too hastily.

“Junmyeon?”

“Yes?”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Chanyeol.”

He disconnected the call first because he didn’t think he could take it anymore. He had spoken Chanyeol’s name out loud and survived. He had survived talking to Chanyeol too. What kind of freaky ass crush was this? He had never seen the guy before for fuck’s sake. This was crazy. He was crazy.

The water can behind him exploded. He flinched. He thanked heavens that it wasn’t much to clean up. It was going to take him to lock the store up after all.

That day, he had left home with a sane self plus one umbrella. That night, he returned home with a dazed self minus one umbrella but plus one saxophone case.

💧

“Wake up, you absolute shit.”

Chanyeol kicked Yixing’s ass and the boy fell down his bed, groaning.

“It’s too early. What the he–heck, Chanyeol?”

Yixing was pissed. That much was obvious to Chanyeol. Getting woken up unceremoniously did that to you.

“I should ask you that, Xing. What the heck, Yixing?”

He wanted to sound angry but truth was, he was ecstatic. It had been a long time since he had been this happy. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face. His cheeks had been hurting from it but he didn’t care.

“Why the maniacal smile? Have you finally gone off to the deep end?”

“What you did to Junmyeon was shitty,” Chanyeol grumbled. “The guy called me up late last night, worried out of his mind, asking me why I wasn’t there to pick up my case. Would you care to explain?” He crossed his arms and waited for his roommate to speak. He could practically see the wheels moving behind Yixing’s eyes.

“And I told you to get it?”

Chanyeol kicked Yixing’s feet again, lightly. “No, you didn’t!”

“Yes, I did. When I called you and you were having dinner and...” The lights in Chanyeol’s head clicked on faster than Yixing’s did. The dumbass got distracted and forgot to inform him the thing he had called him for in the first place. “I forgot to tell you, didn’t I?”

“Apologies are in order.” Chanyeol nodded and extended his hand, pulling his roommate from the floor. They both made their way out to the living room.

“I am sorry, Chan. I didn’t even realise it. I am sorry.”

The apology was genuine and Chanyeol knew it. Yixing would never put two of his closest people in an uncomfortable situation. He nodded again and waved off the apology. No harm was done after all. Except Junmyeon had waited and had been pretty late in retiring for the night.

Junmyeon. Ah.

A kaleidoscope of butterflies had taken residence in his stomach since the last night’s phone call. He tried his best to not let the excitement show on his face but he was so sure he was failing, he stopped trying.

The phone call was unexpected, to say the least. He remembered putting his phone on silent before going to bed but for some reason it has decided to ring and disturb his sleep. He had never been more thankful for his phone glitching. He almost, almost didn’t pick it up. He remembered considering letting it go to the voicemail but his hand had different plans.

When he had picked up the call and no one had answered despite him asking multiple times he wanted to curse the person. He was so close to doing that too but then....then he had heard the sweetest voice saying the sweetest name in the sweetest tone and he had flipped the fuck out. His heart had registered what was happening before his mind had.

Junmyeon. Junmyeon. There was only one Junmyeon he knew of. The elusive, mysterious boy he had been unable to get a glimpse of till now. The boy whose mere mention made his insides go all weird on him, made his body heat up like he was basking under the sun itself. It was the boy who affected him to the point no one and nothing ever has before. It was scary, the unknown, but it was exhilarating too.

His body and mind were awake in seconds. He was pretty sure It was a personal record as one second, he was groggy and another, he was wide awake and throwing the covers off of him and off the bed.

He just didn’t know what to do! His echoing heart and shaking limbs weren’t helping much either. So, he decided to pace, that much energy needed to get out of his body and had almost stumbled at the stuttered response. It was so adorable. Fuck his heart.

It had been a long, long time since he had thought of someone as adorable. And to think that he had never even seen the guy before. He was insane for this. He was still fawning over the stuttering and missed whatever the other boy said. But his mind put two and two together; he was on fire last night. He rushed out, bumping into a chair in the process and hopping on one foot to alleviate the pain, to see if his case was at its designated place and cursed Yixing under his breath, hoping Junmyeon won’t hear it.

He was already putting his shoes on when Junmyeon told him he will take the case home. Junmyeon was out, alone, and it was already too late. The worry for this stranger made him anxious. He didn’t want to bother a stranger. Even if Junmyeon was someone he reacted towards strongly, this was too big of a favour. Before the guilt started to creep up inside him Junmyeon was explaining why it was the best option and he relented. It was the best for the time being.

With a sudden rush of courage he had asked what he had never asked anyone before. He didn’t date and pursuing someone had never been on his list of his priorities. Before this, that is. He stood in the doorway, clutching his phone in one hand his shoe in the other, and couldn’t believe that Junmyeon had agreed to meet him.

He slept the night away, first of the dreamless night he had had in a while. A soft voice saying “Goodnight, Chanyeol” lulled him to sleep right away.

He squealed, internally. He didn’t know he _could_ squeal. This boy had too much pull over his emotions. He cleared his throat and looked at Yixing who was looking like a kicked puppy.

“It’s okay. But there’s someone else you need to apologize to.”

“I will call him right now. I am awake so might as well put my day to good use and take him out for a breakfast as an apology. He has an off today. I’ll bring your sax back too.”

“No need. He isn’t free for breakfast anyway.” That was a very bold statement and presumptuous too. Chanyeol slipped up. But it was already out and he couldn’t take it back now so he played it casual. Casual meaning looking at everywhere but his roommate who was glaring at him with suspicion. The butterflies became extra active at the thought of meeting Junmyeon and his heart jumped in glee.

“You...what have you done, Chanyeol?” Yixing stood up suddenly and walked towards him. He squirmed under the scrutiny and his previously wide smile dimmed. His roommate’s not so positive reaction puzzled him.

“Nothing drastic, really. Just asked for a meet up. He will bring me the sax and I thought it was polite to offer him a meal since he helped me out.”

The urgency to get out of the apartment filled him. He didn’t understand why. Yixing was making him more anxious but even that couldn’t tamp down the excitement he was feeling right then.

“I think you’ll like each other.”

Yixing’s response was out of the blue but it was much more than before so he took it as a good sign.

“Why is there a burnt pan in the sink, Chan?”

“It was an accident, I swear.” Chanyeol put up his hands in front of him as if they would protect him from the glare his roommate was throwing at him. But honestly, he didn’t have an explanation for why the fire had burned the pan to a crisp. His emotions had been all over the place since he woke up and he didn’t anticipate it to come on this strong. He was glad his roommate didn’t push him on this.

“It was a non-stick!”

“I’ll buy you one as soon as I can.”

He made the gesture of putting a cross on his chest right above his heart and then crossed his fingers. He backed up, his dimples out and about as he couldn’t contain his smile.

“I’ll see you on the other side.” With a mock salute, he was out of the door, almost running but not quite, to meet the boy who meant something to me. Something that he didn’t understand.

Yet.

🔥

“Why do you have to do this to yourself, Jongdae?”

Minseok’s question was responded to with a shush. Jongdae held Minseok’s fingers in his, anxious but hopeful as he watched the boy walking towards the desk with a black case. It was almost his size and Jongdae would have laughed if the situation wasn’t this serious in nature.

“Hello. I am looking for Chanyeol.”

Jongdae gasped low. This was it.

“Sorry. He isn’t here today but I can help you with your instrument.” The girl behind the desk spoke and Jongdae saw the boy’s face transforming from a delighted expression to confused and then sad in a matter of seconds.

This wasn’t happening. He was going to intervene. His wings be damned. He took a step forward, to do something, anything at all, and was promptly pulled back by his hand. Minseok shook his head in warning. Jongdae pursed his lips, his frustration increasing.

“When will he be in?”

The voice was softer now, barely audible and Jongdae leaned closer, controlled his urge to hug the boy with will stronger than mighty mountains.

“Oh. I am not sure about it.” The girl dismissed the query in a heartbeat, still smiling. Jongdae wondered how the girl didn’t see the boy’s heart breaking. Sometimes, humans made him want to rip his hair out.

“Okay.” The boy fidgeted, wondering about something for a few seconds and finally seemed to reach a decision as he placed the case on the desk. “Would it be possible for me to leave this here? It’s his.” The boy pointed at the name tag hanging on the side of the case and the girl nodded, enthusiastic and happy to help.

“Definitely. I will let him know the moment he comes in. Do you have any message for him?”

“No. No message.”

Jongdae’s wings shook as helplessness took over him. He watched the boy bow to the girl and make his way outside of the music shop. The two angels followed him out.

“Don’t go, Junmyeon. Please don’t go.”

He prayed. There were very few beings he would pray for. He didn’t know if the praying even worked for the angels. Most probably it didn’t.

“Where is Chanyeol?!”

He gritted out and Minseok had no answer. He rubbed his thumb on the back of Jongdae’s hand in circles hoping to soothe the angel. This was painful to watch. He would choose anything over this but he would never leave Jongdae alone to suffer.

Jongdae was expecting the boy to exit the building instead the boy pulled up his hood and swerved towards an ice-cream parlour. A small hope budded in his chest instantly.

They waited. And waited.

Jongdae’s misery grew as he watched the boy check his phone repeatedly, only to put it back on the table. He couldn’t imagine what he was feeling right now. The visible slump in his shoulder wasn’t a good indication.

“I can’t watch this anymore, Minseok.”

Jongdae turned away. He had wanted the human to stay but he when he saw the boy standing up to leave, he felt a sense of protectiveness flare up inside him. The heartbreak was written all over Junmyeon’s face. Even if most of his face wasn’t visible Jongdae knew exactly what it’d look like. He knew exactly how frown lines would appear on his forehead and his lips would turn downwards, usually bright eyes would be dull. Jongdae hated those lifeless eyes.

They watched as Junmyeon walked out of the revolving glass doors, his head down, lost in his own thoughts.

“GOOD LORD,” Jongdae gasped, startling the other angel. “Minseok, Look!”

The two angels stood agape, as the two humans, one short and the other tall, passed by each other never noticing the other’s presence. One stepped outside and disappeared beyond the glass wall and the other stepped inside and ran towards the music shop.

Only to come back a few seconds later.

The tall boy turned around in circles, trying to find someone. The space was empty. He pulled out his phone and tapped on it incessantly but to no avail. The boy kicked the stone edge of the fountain that was right at the entrance of the mall. Once, twice, thrice.

The angels stayed silent. There was nothing else to say.

🔥💧

_He traced the scars with his fingers. Two diagonal slashes starting on both the shoulder blades and inching downwards towards the spine. He leaned closer to take a look, felt the lumpy scars and breathed in sharply._

_The grey haired person chuckled at the sound._

_“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”_

_The gravelly sound was familiar. But he couldn’t remember where had heard it before. He focused on the scars not giving in to the pull of taking a look at the person‘s face. He knew the moment he did, they would disappear. He had gotten used to these dreams._

_“I am sorry you lost them.”_

_Them. He didn’t know what he was referring to but they knew. He knew the person knew._

_He stepped closer and blinked the tears away as he kissed the scars. The back muscles flexed under his lips._

_“Don’t. They were nothing without you anyway.”_

_The voice was tight and somehow he understood it was because he was crying. He snaked his arms around the bare torso and presses his cheek into the smooth skin. The words rumbled through the torso as the person spoke again._

_“I would give them up as many times as I can. For you, I would. Without a doubt or regret.”_

_He quietly sobbed as he tightened his arms around his person._

Junmyeon woke up with warmth filling up his chest. He tried to remember what he dreamt about but all he remembered was feeling loved. The bubbly feeling in his chest settled as he got ready to meet Chanyeol today. They were trying again.

Last week had been a disaster. He shook his head at that, a smile forming on his face as he remembered a babbling Chanyeol explaining how he got held up because there was an accident. It was cute. Chanyeol was cute for that.

It was enough for him to get out of his moping self immediately. The thought of getting stood up wasn’t a pleasing one and he was surprised that he was giving this another go.

Chanyeol had reminded him that he owed Junmyeon a meal. Junmyeon had countered that Chanyeol owed him two.

The past week had helped him assess the situation. He was entering into this all wrong. He had managed to build up skyrocketing expectations over something as casual as a meal for helping someone. He just needed to play it cool and see where it leads. This business was difficult and he didn’t know how difficult having a crush could be.

As if on cue, his phone rang. He looked at the caller id and panicked for a brief second then took a deep breath and accepted the call.

“Hello?”

“Junmyeon, the weather doesn’t look good.” Junmyeon cursed the weather elements and pulled at the curtain of his window to look out. It was sleeting. He looked up at the sky and it was foggy. He was anticipating it to get worse.

“We can postpone.” He suggested not in the favour of the option at all. He was grateful when Chanyeol disagreed right away.

“Of course not.” The boy was really transparent even through the phone. Junmyeon laughed silently. “Can you make it?”

“I definitely can.” Junmyeon assured.

“Meet you there then.”

Junmyeon was still smiling when he swiped his keys and phone. He looked at the black umbrella in his hand with a frown. The fateful night he had returned with Chanyeol’s sax case, he had forgotten his lace umbrella at the store. When he went back the other day, it was nowhere to be seen. He hoped to find a similar one soon.

He stepped out and started walking towards his destination, a bounce visible in his step.

💧

_Small hands tightened around him as someone pressed into his back. Soft sobbing sounds tore him into small pieces. He couldn’t even turn around and look at the person in the fear that they would disappear. He looked down and covered the paler hands with his tanned ones._

_They were talking about losing something. What? He didn’t know. But all he knew was that he didn’t regret losing it. His heart wasn’t heavy and his mind wasn’t troubled over it. He was at ease._

_“Do you regret losing them?” He asked. He had felt the identical scars before. He knew they were there. The knowledge of them existing on someone he loved hurt him more than anything._

_For a second, a dreadful feeling overwhelmed him but it was put to rest in another second because he knew this person, this red haired person who actively haunted his consciousness and painted his dreams with so much fondness, would never regret it._

_“Never.” The sense of inevitability the one word brought made his heart flutter in mounting affection he felt for the person behind him._

_He slipped his long fingers in between the short ones, grasped them in veneration._

Chanyeol always had a kind of unrest plaguing him. Today, it was at rest. His chest felt less constricted and his soul lighter. He sat on his bed rubbing his chest, perplexed. What had just happened?

Then he remembered what day it was and he dropped back onto the bed, sighing. He won’t let today go awry.

“Xing, lend me your umbrella.” He hopped from one foot to the other in impatience as he looked around for the object. “I can’t find mine. I am getting late. Quick.”

He shook his sleeping roommate who groaned and pointed in a general direction. That was very helpful. Chanyeol rolled his eyes and moved stuff but to no avail. Just as he was about to exit he backtracked and peeked behind the door and there it was, hanging from a hook. He grabbed it and rushed out. He wanted to get there early to avoid any kind of mix-ups. One time was embarrassing enough.

A silly smile came across his face as he stepped out of his apartment building. It was finally happening. He was meeting Junmyeon. He had this feeling that he wanted this boy in his life. He was almost desperate for it. The reason unknown but the push to make it happen right there.

He looked up at the sky covered with fog and shook his umbrella to open it. He stared at the cream lace pattern. It looked familiar. He stared at it for a few seconds and then shook himself out of the stupor.

He set out for his destination, his steps quick and eager.

🔥

The visibility was bad. Not too bad but still bad. The sleet wasn’t helping the matters. It was the worse time to be out and about but it didn’t matter to Chanyeol who was standing in the shelter of a familiar bus stop. He shivered, breathing out puffs of smoke in the air in front of him. He increased his body temperature a bit to fend off the cold.

Of all the days to mistake his route again, he had done it today. He ruffled his grey hair in frustration and then immediately coiffed them again. It won’t do to show up looking all ruffled. So much for getting to his destination earlier. He sighed and leaned against the corner of the booth. The umbrella gave him an added protection.

The streetlight was shedding luminescence but it was muted because of the weather conditions. He stood right under it because he wanted to be seen by the bus driver. He didn’t want to take any chances and miss the bus.

He hummed to himself and waited. He watched as a person crossed the street jogging towards the bus stop. The sight made him giddy. At least he wasn’t the only crazy one today.

He watched as the person suddenly stopped right in the middle of the road. His brows furrowed. Worry crept up inside him. What were they thinking? Thankfully, the road was empty. Weird protective instinct took over his body as he straightened and stepped closer to the edge of the road.

He peered through the fog, his eyes narrowed, trying to take a clear look at the person.

He noticed the plump lips, the small nose, the cheeks, the eyes but all his mind was focused on was the hair. _Red_. The red he has been searching for all his life.

His eyes widened and his heartbeat picked up then it stuttered as his body heated up. His hand tightened around the handle of the umbrella. The wood singed.

Chanyeol remembered the song he never heard.

🔥

Junmyeon carefully stepped in the lightly snow covered road. He was almost to the bus stop. It was the quickest way. He had stopped skipping a couple of blocks away when he almost lost his footing on the slippery road.

He shuddered at the image of him showing up half drenched. That’d be another kind of torture he would never wish upon anyone.

He walked past some shops looking at the warmth they provided with a longing in his gaze. Soon, he promised himself. Soon he would be sitting in a warm café too, hopefully. The drops falling from the edge of the umbrella subtly slid and fell away from him. He was careful not to overdo it.

He looked on both his sides and prepared to cross the road. It’s not like there were any vehicles. He was halfway through when he noticed the person who was standing on the other side. Something about them made him stop entirely. The way they were standing...the umbrella...the clogging feeling blazed inside his throat.

Anxiety flared up in his chest and he took a step forward. Then another. He didn’t know why he was feeling like this. He stepped back, the urge to run away overwhelming him. But a part of him stayed put. His indecision weighed his legs down.

He was about to turn away when the person stepped closer to him and that’s when he got the first glimpse of the person’s face and his heart stopped.

The big, wide eyes looked at him in shock. His breath wheezed out of him as he saw the hair. _Grey, grey, grey_. The grey that haunted him. The grey that haunted his dreams. The grey that made him feel longing for something he never had. The grey.

The water droplets around him went crazy.

Junmyeon found the penny he never lost.

💧

Two strangers stood in front of each other, a few feet apart but the distance between them endless. Not understanding, not comprehending anything...the universe weighed down upon them...the pressure crushing.

Another cycle set in motion as the two moved towards each other, careful steps, cautious, so very wary. Their hands stretched out to touch, to make sure of the reality. Unknown and unprompted words tumbled out.

“I choose you. I will always choose you. Be it in being or spirit, in nihility or cosmos, with mine or without, I will choose you.”

“I know. I know because I will do the same. Always.”

Their shocked gazes clashed. Their fingers brushed against each other. They spoke at the same time, the whispered question jumbling together.

“Who are you?”

Fog enveloped them.

🔥💧

“Wait.” Jongdae screamed. “What’s happening? What’s happening?” The angel panicked as his surrounding turned cloudy.

“Jongdae.”

The familiar voice made him whip around and he saw Minseok standing behind him.

“Minseok!” He ran towards the blue winged angel and sobbed in his neck. “What happened? Where are we? What happened to them? Why can’t we see them?” His questions followed in quick succession.

“Because they are not yours to keep a watch on, Jamaerah.”

The utterance of his lost name made Jongdae look at the source of the voice. He flinched away from Minseok. He shouldn’t be holding him close in another angel’s presence. It was a sin. He didn’t want to harm Minseok in any way. Did they get caught? He looked at Minseok, fear wrapping around his throat, rendering him speechless.

“Greetings, Muriel.”

The angel, slightly taller than him and Minseok, stepped closer to them. Jongdae looked mesmerized at the wings, shades of pink peeking through the magenta. His horror put aside for a moment. The presence of an archangel would do that to anyone. He was used to Minseok but this angel was different. The aura they reflected made the gold tips of his wings stand up in concern.

“Chamuel.”

He looked at Minseok who was on first name basis with the angel. He shouldn’t be surprised but he was. He has heard the name before. It was renowned, highest of the hierarchy, the one who speaks to the Lord himself, the angel of unconditional love and divine justice.

He had never been under the direct scrutiny of another archangel before. He squirmed under the gentle gaze directed at him.

“Greetings, Archangel.” He whispered, hoping to get away from here, wherever they were, as soon as possible.

“How are they?” Minseok’s question made him gaze up.

“I wouldn’t know.” The archangel smiled. Jongdae noticed how two deep crescents graced the archangel’s cheeks. Jongdae couldn’t remember where he had seen those before. He waited for Minseok to prod the archangel but he just nodded in understanding. He didn’t get it. What happened to Junmyeon and Chanyeol?

“Will they be together?”

He couldn’t stop himself from asking and the archangel laughed, a sound that pleased his ears. But it made him feel like a child. A child who didn’t know what the adults were talking about. In this case, he had a feeling he was missing on a lot.

“Who knows.”

The archangel shrugged and the human action looked weird on him, non-human.

“But—” Jongdae started speaking and Minseok held his hand, squeezing. Maybe it was a gesture meant for him to stop talking but he needed to know. He needed to know! He braced himself and spoke, voice taut. “It won’t be justice if they aren’t together.” He realised a second too late he might have gone overboard. He still continued, “It’d be cruel to Cassiel and Jophiel.”

The names thrummed a vein that produced ache in him.

He looked at the archangel expecting a backlash but all he got was a tender look. He was still smiling, although the smile was sad at the corners.

“Cassiel and Jophiel were punished for their sins and they’re gone, Jamaerah.” The archangel paced in front of him, his voice kind. “The humans we saw today?” He looked at Jongdae. “Chanyeol and Junmyeon, remember that they aren’t them.”

Jongdae inhaled sharply at that and Minseok squeezed his hand again.

“You forget, angel of manifestation, that they are humans. Their humanity offers them free will. The Creator is merciful but they are also fair. Divine justice isn’t to interfere or to manipulate.” Jongdae bit his lip, nodding, finally understanding where the archangel was going with this. “Divine justice is to guide the humans and wait...” As the archangel looked at him, he picked up the sentence where it was left off.

“...wait for them to exercise that free will.”

Jongdae nodded again, to himself. His hand was squeezed again and he smiled at Minseok, momentarily forgetting the presence of the other angel. They were startled by the sound of someone clearing their throat and he flinched again, tugging at his hand so that Minseok will unclasp it. Their hands stayed intertwined. He tried his best not to look at the archangel but another soft laugh made his eyes stray towards him.

“Will their opposing elements destroy each other?” Jongdae asked again. Hoping to get the attention off their hands.

“Opposing elements can also create, Jamaerah.”

That one sentence reminded him of the fog that took over everything right when Junmyeon and Chanyeol’s hands met.

“Now,” The magenta winged angel leaned closer as if he was disclosing a secret, he held up his hand, index finger and thumb separated by hair’s breadth. “We can always give this a little push in the right direction.”

Jongdae’s jaw went slack in astonishment as the archangel pointedly looked at Minseok’s and his joined hands, winked unabashedly and turned away from them.

“What-what...Minseok, what did he mean?”

Minseok laughed and pulled him closer.

**Author's Note:**

> Mods, my betas and the readers,  
> This has been one hell of a ride. Thank you for joining and supporting it. My gratitude is yours.


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